Servanthood

I started my service work with my team this past Friday. Today was our busiest day so far. We are doing street ministry with a local church called, Victory Church. It's located in the heart of Albany, New York. It's a different world in Albany and I'm far from home todo! God is a blessing, because our second to last team member showed up today and he fits right in. Our last team member flies in tomorrow around midnight. I'm excited because I've already begun to see the unity between us all. Currently, I'm sprawled out on a little black pad-mattress with a few blankets on the floor. The group is staying in Sunday school rooms of the church. I can still see the mounds of glitter they have used in past Sunday school services on the floor. It's nuts!

I'm blessed. This team called, A-team is going to crack the group of Albany and make a new sound for the Lord in the city. I got to evangelize and talk with the inner-city people of Albany. I stood outside of a Walmart, asking for money for the inner-city hungry children of Albany. There is a need out there for people, but a greater need has been placed on God's people; we are to serve. I hope that people are encouraged to know, that God is our provider. Moreover, if you're not involved in a ministry and serving others, check our Victory church's website at: godinthecity.com

Endurance

This word endurance keeps coming to my mind. I've been training myself to start running/jogging this summer. I've been very interested in running or jogging. I've had a desire to do so the past 2 years and I have ignored that desire and put my health to the side. I've decided since I've graduated college, that it's important to listen to God and keep my human temple in good health for Christ. I've started to run on the treadmill in small measures. Today I had a breakthrough though. The Lord blessed me with the endurance to run. Today, I went to the Crossings where I can run and walk outside in this beautiful park. I had the strength and endurance to run/jog today. I lasted a long time and I still need to push harder. I've been building myself up to start running/jogging without stopping because stopping just makes me feel like a failure, but I know I can do it.

Tomorrow I leave for my service trip for 9 weeks this summer. I'm excited. I'm ready to go. I get to meet one of the girls that I am going with tomorrow night. I think I meet the rest of the group on Saturday. Our service trip group called, "A-team" gets to meet our home church this Sunday. I'm getting stoked with it all! I just hope I can keep up the endurance and strength from God to keep the race that I want to win.

Who will be there?

I have wondered if I climbed a mountain and I was struggling to get higher and higher, who would be there for me? Who would encourage me to keep going? Who would hold my hand and coach me on? Who will be there? -- I'm speaking about the people that are close to me. I know with confidence that my family would there, but what about my friends? It's been a few weeks since I've graduated from college and the friends I made while in college, I often question sometimes. It's weird. I leave the college for good and I feel so disconnected from everything and everyone I left behind. I stay in contact with them, but I feel very disconnected from them. Does the disconnection mean I'm gone forever without ever talking to them again? Who will be there when I move on in my life? Who will be there when I ask for advice or when I need to vent? I know most people will be there, but who will be there amongst my friends?
Some things have been said, some things have been done and some things have happened. It's awful knowing what is going on in your friends' lives from a far. The Internet doesn't help. Being connected via the Internet can sometimes divide and conquer and form a wedge between friendship. You get the worst and best ideas out of conversations and you can assume all you want. It's hard to judge what's going on when something happens. It's hard to listen, comprehend, be there for others, when may be they aren't. 
I'm struggling. I'm having issues. I don't know how to feel with people who may not be there for me. I'm having problems. I can't assume. I can't depend on people who change all the time and flip-flop in friendship. I can't keep talking with people who want their ideals and selfish attitude to prevail. What do I do?
It's hard being the oldest. I'm usually the oldest in all of my friendships. I have a few friends who are older. However, with age, you generally don't find maturity. That's what I struggle with; maturity. What makes you an adult? What makes friends stick closer than brothers? I believe selfishness has to be eliminated in order for people to be friends. You would think there would be  boundaries too. Not in my case. The people I become friends with have none. What is that? Do I have a sign on my head saying, "I'm a no boundaries type of person!" I don't want that anymore. I'm sick of people saying, "I don't know what to do with him or her." I'm sick of being sick. I'm sick of "friends" crossing boundaries that affect me. Don't people realize their actions can effect others? No, not at all. They can't! It's usually impossible in my life. 
Anyway, I've vented enough. It's only full of hope in God. That's who has always been a friend to me. My sister has been too. She's my closest, I guess. I guess blood isn't selfish. They know who you are for real. 
I wish boundaries weren't crossed. I wish friends would just be friends and be mindful of each other. I wish people can think of others before they act. I wish a lot of things, but they don't happen. I'm done with disappointment and I may have to let go. It's hard to let go when you invest so much. My investment isn't paying off, because I'm getting hurt. I'm done with being hurt. I will wait until I find friends who are all in for investing in a good friendship. I'm ready for God to provide me with that. Time will tell....

A new walk

I went for a walk this morning with my sister. Her and I work out at least 4 to 5 days a week. On the off days we hope to walk or jog. There is this wonderful park called, "The Crossings" and it's beautiful. Tons and tons of geese and little mallard ducks run around and fly into the lake. The lake is beautiful too. It's located right in the middle of the park walk ways. I enjoyed my morning walk/jog with my sister. The day started out with a warm and brisk breeze. It was suitable for our moods today. 
I always stop at Dunkin Donuts right after. I only get a coffee, because by the time I'm done working out, I have no energy to go home and make a pot of coffee. It's lame, but it just makes sense in my head. DD's coffee is very good; especially in the morning or late morning. It reminds me of my grandparents because they brew that Dunkin every time at their house. My Papa is quite obsessed with it and makes sure my grandmother sticks a pot of coffee on in the afternoon with DD's coffee. 
Today, my goal is to clean again. As like any young woman or little girl, her clothes are sprawled all over the floor or messed up somehow in her closet. Well, my closet is fine and my shoes are all in order in the closet on the floor, but my clothes are making their way out of my dresser drawers to the floor. It's bad. I think they have legs of their own. At least that's what I say to make myself feel better. Anyway, I have to clean today. I have to put away my college stuff. I have things that I wish to keep from my college years, but I have no room for it now. I live in a townhouse with my mom and sister. With the objective to save money for myself, I sacrifice space. I live in a master bedroom with my sister. The room is spilt evenly down the middle and I don't mind a roommate anyway. I just get less space and same goes for my sister. 

Oh, last night I was watching the new TLC show called, "Cake Boss." It was awesome! I loved it. It's about a 32 year old guy who owns and manages his own cake shop in New Jersey. His whole entire family and mother run the place. The show has an awesome look and feel for it. The guy is Italian and his family is hilarious. I would go watch it if I were you, it's really comical and wholesome. 

Changes

It's a new month already! It's June 1st. I can't believe it. I can just think back to when I took my 3 week trip to Mexico, this past January. I was there for a cross-cultural trip that gave me 3 credits for a language requirement at my Alma mater. A lot of change has happened since then; January.
I'm at my grandparents' house just 20 minutes from my own. My Nannie and Papa are my father's parents. They're the only grandparents I have ever had in my entire life. My mother has a living father, but he has not taken any interest in the lives of his grand-children. However, I feel blessed with my Nannie and Papa. I'm sitting at my Papa's new computer. He has a desktop with a wide screen LCD. I love the 17" wide screen LCDs. They're so awesome! It's a beautiful day outside too. It's about 69 degrees or so. It's enjoyable outside and you don't need a jacket. Just wear your flip flops on y our feet and go. I'm going to sit outside on my grandparents' front porch soon. They have to 2 rocking chairs from the Cracker Barrel. They got these two beautiful wooden rocking chairs as a Christmas gift from their kids and grand kids. They love 'em.
I woke up this morning thinking about this guy I broke up with last week. I was thinking about how I would call him, "My love," and how much I depended upon him to call me, pay attention to me, call me his "Angel" and talk to me on the phone everyday. I loved the warmth and love I got from him. I woke this morning missing it. I realized that even though we broke up over the phone, he's gone and out of my life. I can't have him back. I have to learn over this summer to let him go, even more than in my heart. He has to be released from my thoughts, as my love, and be released from soul. I really loved him; whole-hearted. I really did and that's perfectly ok. I believe now in people meeting others and realizing that they can have loved someone and move on. It's only been by the grace of God that have been this past week. And for sure, it's extremely too early to say that I am over him. I am, but only in a way of getting use to letting the relationship go. I'm so sure that he is having a hard time with this too; however. I know he struggles with change and not having someone by his side, more than I do. I pray for him often so the pain can easily be taken away for him and for me. It's definitely been an eye opener for me and a non regrettable experience. I've treasured the time I had with him and I appreciate the lessons he taught me. He was used by God to bring love, happiness and joy to my life, but it was for such a time as this past 2 years have been.
I never actually thought that all through, until now. Until I wrote it all out. You know, I haven't cried since the day after we broke up. I don't hold my emotions in anymore, I just feel like there is so much peace around me, I'm peaceful about the whole thing. It's good to feel this way. I know the chapter in my life was closed and I got to write the ending with him and still be great friends with him. It will take more time to get use to it all, but it's all good time of healing and growing. It gives me time to be me again; for sure.
So, the change part comes in my life right now. I'm doing this service learning trip for 9 weeks and I'm excited. I have time to be doing what I love and that's spending time with God, friends, new friends, others, leaders, passionate people of God and traveling. It's going to be awesome. It's going to be an awesome summer of change and another chapter in my life of God's peace and joy. Evermore of an abundance of love and good change!

Photographs

I'm taking a digital photography class from a local community college. It's very time consuming. I didn't realize it when I signed up for the class. Actually, it was out of desperation that I take this class and get a good grade in it because my degree depends on it. It's basically my last class I have to take to fulfill 3 credits for my bachelor's degree. It's all good. I'm being blessed and I'm actually learning a lot. My online professor is hard. She's a tough cookie. 

On another note, I've downloaded Adobe Photoshop for Windows XP on my laptop. It's pretty awesome. I'm using it for all of my assignment in my online class. Mostly, it's resizing photos that I have to worry about. It's a great program and even better on a Mac. I used Photoshop on a Mac in one of the Mac labs on my college campus. I was taking a general education computer digital art class there and I dropped it because it was too intense. The professor was teaching the class to a bunch of art students and I wasn't up to par to follow. The professor even told me so. That's why I dropped the class and picked up an online one for summer and finish my degree. The online one is easier and nicer. I'm learning quite a bit.

So today, it was just my sister and I that went to church. My mom wasn't feeling well and she was tired from a long week of work. My mom works about 6 days a week. She's in the banking and loan industry. She's a hard worker and deserves some time to rest and take tons of naps. Well, church was good today. It was different without my mom there. I'm use to having her present at church all the time. Regardless, I was able to enjoy my church family's company and honor God. I got to chat a little with my pastor; he's an awesome pastor. My pastor and his wife are like a mom and dad to many people. They're open, loving and fun people. God has blessed me with them in my life.

So my day is ending with editing photos in photoshop. It's alright, because I predict I will have a good A on my second photo assignment that's due tomorrow at noon. I'm excelling greatly in more knowledge and depth of understanding things and ideas. God is good!