Layers of my Heart

I've just ended a wonderful week of relaxation, fun and ministry at New Heart Ministries in Syracuse, New York. Pastor Charity at New Heart Ministries has been one of the most influential people in my life thus far. Her church's vision is one that I loved to serve while I was there. I am praying about going back one day soon and faithfully serve her and her church. The biggest thing that I encountered there was evaluating my heart. The Lord showed me how many layers I had around my heart. The layers signify my past. There were so many layers that I started to encounter in Syracuse that I was getting distracted and over-whelmed. Some distractions included worrying about getting to places on time or jamming my finger on a football and feeling bad about it. All those distractions were not from God whatsoever. The over-whelmed part was traveling to another place to do ministry on my team and hopefully being accepted and liked by the people there at New Heart. The things I went through and discovered about myself were life changing and I am a new creation, as it says in 2 Cor 5:17, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone and the new has come." The Lord took those layers I had built up inside of me and tore them down to the point that all I can do is submit every fiber of my body, mind and soul to Him and know in my spirit that I am well taken care of. God broke down so many things for me in the past week that all I have left is a oneness with Christ. Jesus has also been reminding me of this verse from Psalms 37:4, "Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart." Delighting myself in the Lord to me means, completely giving my will over to Him and submitting my life to Him for the advancement of the Kingdom of God and just in addition, God will give me what I desire in life. There are so many things in life that I have desired for sometime now, but I also know that there is a season for everything too. Also, when I delight myself in God, I think of it as being a daughter in the Father's lap. I often do picture myself looking up my Daddy and smiling at Him while sitting on His lap. In return, Jesus looks back at me and smiles too. It's all about relationship with the Father - just sayin' ;)

So, let me get to the layers of my heart part. God showed me in just one week that I need to let go of trying to gain approval from people. In a nut shell, it's like people pleasing. If I place my desire to please others before Christ then I'm sinning and in the wrong mindset. That's powerful if you just sit back and think about it. Yeah well, God basically smacked me across the head and said that I'm here on earth to please Him and serve others and I don't need the approval of man to form my identity in life. And that's another layer, God was braking down my identity. Our identity should be in Christ, our Heavenly Father, alone! Not anyone else. I often had wondered growing up where I would fit in and God showed me at the great old age, haha, of 23 that I am identified in Christ and my name is written on the Lamb's book of life in Heaven. That's just awesome if I must say so myself!

Another thing Abba showed me this past week was love. I know in my heart of hearts that God wants me to get deeper in Him. There is a reason for it. The reason I think God is showing me true love in life is because I need to be His first before He can give me away. I've always wondered what it is like to be loved in a relationship. I haven't had that, but I have been cared for deeply before. God has been calling me to get deeper in Him because once I do, He can give me away with a secure heart intact inside of me. For example, Abba Father wants me to be so in love with Him that only He can give me away in His timing and when I am ready to understand trustworthiness and confidence in who I am in Christ. God calls us to be His bride first. Why do you think people always keep searching for love and find it in the wrong places, or they get hurt time and time again? It's because they don't know what true love is, from the Heavenly Father, and they keep searching on earth for it. People get lost in the wrong type of love. I know I did before this ministry team this summer. I thought I was in love, but it was the wrong type of love. I wasn't suppose to be with that person and I didn't listen to my Father. He was showing me so many red flags in that past relationship. I kept denying His advice and I sort of paid for it. However, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger and because of the grace of God, I am healed and set free from what I was a part of. Through some hard talks, discussions and feelings getting hurt, I made it out on top, because I know where my identity lies and its in Abba Father. Therefore, with confidence I can say I love Jesus and no one can take that away from me.

In addition to all of this in depth and crazy good topics, God has showed me that we can not be run by feelings either. Feelings are a man's thing on earth. I realized this past week that I had been run by feeling "good" or "bad" about things, when I should be trusting the Holy Spirit and seek His guidance. It's interesting if you ponder upon it. Feelings just get you in trouble and they can put your hopes up. For example, if you like someone, you should really evaluate your motives for liking them. Do you like them because of their looks? If you do, then is it lust? Do you like the person because you have the same interests? If you do, then is it settling? Or do you like the person because the Holy Spirit has showed you something? If so, then really seek your Heavenly Father about it. Now, there is no condemnation if you enter into a relationship and it doesn't work out. Sometimes we make decisions that aren't according to our destiny or path in life and God helps us rise above it and heals us. Feelings are a dangerous reason for liking someone. It makes conflict and confusion. That's why I want to be enveloped in God's heart so much that I can trust Him to show me my future husband. Feelings won't get me anywhere. I've learned from that. God gets you. My Abba Father gets me, so why not just trust Him?! It sounds simple, but it takes time. Just like every relationship you have had or have in your life. Trust is one of the stepping stones to a long-lasting relationship. It grows on you. It's kind of crazy to think that the trust I can receive in my Abba Father is instant. Crazy huh?!

Just today, I was sitting in church at Victory Christain in Albany, New York and the message that was being preached by Pastor Charlie was about a relationship so deep with God that God and me should be "one-on-one." The main scripture verse used today was Joshua 1:8. Where it says, " This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night , that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will be made prosperous, and then you will have good success." Today I felt God calling me to grow deeper in Him by meditating on His Word. To be honest, I've grown up in the church and I haven't had such a desire to read my Bible and study it in a very long time. It took me 23 years to figure that one out! Go figure me!

Besides understanding love in a whole new way, finding out my identity and confidence in life only in my Heavenly Father, and growing deeper with God, I've come to understand how God is my only provide in life. It doesn't just mean money and finances; like I've mentioned before in another post. God is my provider for trust, love, hope, breath, life, etc. He is my everything and will always be my everything. I can't stop God in my life now. There is no way I'm going back. I can't end the best relationship I have ever had in my entire life now. I'm just getting started too!

Be Blessed to all who read this. It's from my heart and I only wish to encourage those who need to hear this.

In Christ and love,
Jenelle