I want more.

Don't we all want more in life? Do you ever feel like you're missing something in your life? I do a lot. I feel like I can't reach a certain point in my life without feeling satisfied. It happens a lot and the desire has increased lately. I'm in the process of figuring out what is it that I want or what I want to do. I feel like I am on the brink of something good and new this 2010 year and I'm excited about it. Essentially, I'm excited about something I don't know anything about..... yet. I think it can be revealed to me. I'm hoping for the best for this new year.

I'm not a big holiday person to be honest either. This hope for the new year is something new I'm embracing and I am very pleased to have that feeling. It's refreshing and calming. I think when it comes down to it all, I have confidence that my year is going to be good. Have you ever had that feeling too? I know it seems complex that I have peace about entering the new year, but I feel like I'm longing for something more and I feel unsatisfied. Yeah, slightly complex, but my satisfaction isn't far off or really it's within me.

What I mean by searching for something more and being satisfied at the same time is directly referencing my belief in God. I am a Christian and I would probably be classified as a radical one at that. I take the Bible as my first book of reference for how I operate in my daily activities and actions in life. Granted, no one is perfect and I am far from it. That's why I read a book that has the recordings of the most perfect being that ever walked the earth; Jesus.

So back to the satisfaction part of my life and wanting more at the same time. I would have to say that I get that peace and longing from Jesus. In the Bible, in John 6, the verses talk about how God is the satisfier of your soul and at that same time, God does give you peace in your life. In addition, He is the one that provides you with all the "bread", food, you need to keep going strong in life. That's what I'm talking about right there. I want the satisfaction that I will never go hungry when I crave for more. At the same time I can have peace about wanting more and longing too.

This longing for more has many avenues too. For example, I know a lot of people have desires and longings to see the homeless be taken care of or the sick be healed and given medicine or justice be brought to children and adults who have become victims of sexual sin. The desires and longings for something more in life can envelope into something big.

So, if you desire to see people taken care of, people be healed or justice being brought to people or just getting people the care and things they need, you have a heart for something big. I believe in every person there are those desires that exist. There is a desire for something more in you. There is a deepening love that you long for too. In John, God says He can satisfy that and through His satisfying your soul, you can provide and do good things for others. It's like the domino affect.

It's really about taking your longing and turning into the right kind of love and making it into a Love Revolution.

I'm diving deeper and deeper

Today I said "see ya later" to a sister in the Lord. Eleanor from my ministry team just left today to go home to New Hampshire and get ready for the next season in her life. She is attending college on the 16th of August and she plays Field Hockey; so that's why she is leaving early for her freshman year of college at Gordon University in MA. I hope sometime to visit her while she is out there. Anyway, God has just been digging in my heart. If you can, humor me a little bit. Imagine a sandbox with tons of brown and tan sand. Imagine all of the sand in a big, square, red sandbox. The red sandbox represents my heart and the sand represents the inner things of my heart. If you've ever played with sand or played in a sandbox, you will know that the sand gets everywhere and goes everywhere. It has multiple amounts of little tiny pebbles and stones in it that are ground up to be really soft when you step in it or play with it. When it's wet you can create sand castles and when it's dry you can't really do anything with it. Keep imagining this okay?! When sand is wet you can create a lot of things with it. I remember being 5 and 6 years old and playing with my sister at a beach and making sand castles and buildings. It was fun, but you had to have the sand wet. God showed me that I need to be wet in my heart for Him. The sand in my heart needs to be wet; if you're still imagining this with me :) The sand in my sand boxed heart is wet and God is going deeper. For this entire summer, God has been wetting my heart and digging junk out of my heart. When you play at the beach or in a sand castle, you'll find many hidden things randomly through out your sand area. In my heart, I had many hidden things that God was digging and pulling up and out. Some of those little things or big things that were in my heart were bitterness, hatred, unforgiveness, shame, condemnation, guilt, loneliness, conditional love, rejection, and lust. Those were just a few to name. My heart had to be wet in order for God to dig into it. My heart was hardened and dry. Life was being sucked out of me and I thought I was okay in life and had everything all set in my life. I was wrong. Soon as I started this ministry on a team that supports each other, God tore those deceivement walls down and broke my heart open and down poured on my heart. The wetness symbolized the river of God to me. The wet sandbox in my heart is being remolded to be a different foundation for my life. That foundation of sand is developing right now into a foundation of a rock. Somewhere in Exodus, it says roughly that we can stand on God and he is our rock and fortress. I think somewhere in Psalms it says that too. The sand has turned into a solid foundation of rock. God is my rock now. I am set on a rock that can't be taken from me. The foundation can't move because it's Jesus Christ as my solid companion. Those things that were in my sandbox, my heart, God replaced them with: unconditional love, a Father's heart, fulfillment of life, peace, joy, happiness, and grace.

I want to encourage those who are reading this and say that God wants you to go deeper in Him. This whole story has taken place in my life just this past summer of 2009. It was a deliverance season for me because God wanted me to be whole again. He wanted me to know where my foundation would be made and created; in Him. He wanted me to go through this process to learn that I have been created for a purpose and my destiny is in His hands. In Jeremiah 1 it says that I was created in my mother's womb with a purpose and that God knew me before I even was created. I'm glad I know that even more so now because I was destined to be in love with God. He created me in love. My heart was destined to be God's. I want to leave a scripture verse with you so that you all are inspired to meditate on God's Word more and know His promises to prosper you and to give you a future and a hope. Psalm 73:24, "You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny."

Many changes, healings and prophecies

Since my last blog, God has done some awesome things in my life and in others. I've been to Vermont and back to Albany in a week and I've changed so much in just that time period. God moved me into a great understanding of confidence in Him and in life. I've grown up with a lot of insecurities. Really, who hasn't though?! And God has been revealing to me that He can make up for my short-comings and comfort me when I fall and mess up in life. Ultimately for everyone, I believe that every one's confidence should be based in Christ Jesus. If we all had that then everyone would be encouraging each other and everyone wouldn't have "lows" in their lives. Ultimately, God is our extreme "high." He should be our "high."

I've changed also for the better. I've become a different person since the beginning of June. In the beginning of June I was afraid to witness to people and bring them into the Kingdom of Heaven, but now I don't back down. I view witnessing and evangelizing as pulling people out of the Kingdom of darkness and pulling them into the Kingdom of eternal life! It's all about saving people and help them realize God is the ultimate saviour and redeemer of our faith. I've noticed that I have grown to love God more while I've been on this ministering team; based out of Tampa Bay, Florida. IAM ministries is an awesome organization that pushes people out of their comfort zones and wins people for Christ. I am honored to be a part of a body of evangelizers that focuses on God everyday and gives everything and thanks to God. My life is my testimony to Christ that I am His child and saved by His blood shed just over 2,000 years ago.

Another part of my summer that I have had the privilege and awesome time of doing is seeing and being a part of miracles. While my team and I were in Vermont just a week ago, we were evangelizing in the streets of Montpelier, VT. We were right in the heart and capital of VT too. We started evangelizing around 7pm in Montpelier and we ended around 9:30pm. Around 7:30 one of our leaders, "Red", stoped an elderly man on the side of the road in the capital and he asked the old man if he knew Jesus. The old man, Robert as we came to find out his name, was heading into Montpelier Vermont to kill himself at 10pm by jumping into the river because he didn't know how to swim and he had nothing else to live for; so he thought. However, Red and God had more ideas up their sleeves because Robert became saved in 5 minutes and his entire continuous and behaviour changes in 5 minutes. God worked a miracle in this 70 year old man. When Robert said that he was getting tons of revelations that God was really there with us and that God loved him, Robert asked for prayer and some tracks we had to give out to his family and friends when he went home. After we gave Robert some tracks and a bottled water, we prayed for him and his back, which was hurting him from a 22 mile walk that day, was healed. His spine straightened up, he felt it move and his back became firm. He stood taller and he was already about 6 feet tall. He had glasses on his face and as he began excepting the healing anointing from God, his eyes got healed and he could read a sign that was across the street in the capital without his glasses. Also, his cataracts and floaters in his eyes were gone. He could also hear better. He was struggling when we talking to him about Jesus in the beginning, but he could hear clearing again, as if he was young. God downloaded a new man into this 70 year old body. His life was altered by Christ Jesus alone and he received eternal life in the Kingdom of Heaven. This was all because God told us to evangelize that night. If we weren't obedient to Christ's voice to evangelize to people, may be Robert wouldn't have been saved, literally, that night. I'm not preaching condemnation or guilt, I'm preaching about accountability in evangelizing and witnessing to others on earth for salvation. It was awesome to see this miracle because it was a faith builder for me too. God showed me His love poured all out and over Robert that night in Montpelier, Vermont.

The last thing I want to share is about prophecies. It says in the Bible in the NT that God gives people the gift of prophecy and everyone can do it. Some people are specifically prophets too. Also, it says in Acts that we are to test our prophecies and check with whom they were given from. Basically, we need to see if a prophet is aligned with the Word of God and is truly hearing from God and not from himself or worldly spirits. One way you can know whether a prophecy is from God is if it's encouragement to the people, if it lifts up the people and if it aligns with the Word of God. A lot of false prophets, even today, may encourage people, but they slide their own agenda in their preaching and guilt the people into things. That's not of God when prophets cause condemnation or guilt in the people of God. So be careful! One thing that God has been showing me this entire time of ministry in the IAM organization, is that God loves me. Even when I ignore His words or "feelings" towards me, God tells me it through His people. For example, last night at one of our revival meetings at Victory Church in Albany, NY, God used one of the girls from the Toronto School of ministry team to tell me that God loves me and that God is my ultimate provider. This girl, Hannah, was used by God as a vessel to speak to me. In the New Testament, it says that God will use His people to be a living vessel to reach the broken harded. God used Hannah to speak to me that my Abba Father loves me and will forever take care of me in my earthly life. I've learned a lot from God when He speaks to His people. This happens when I usually get frustrated and tired and I totally miss God's voice. God somehow still gets His thoughts and "feelings" to me even when I can be burned out in life.

I want to encourage you and let you, my readers, know that God loves you. That's something that I am still revelating on and learning more and more about Jesus Christ. Jesus desires a relationship with us and desires us to love Him first above all earthly things and work in His anointing to reach others in love too. God loves You! I pray that you are reached with His love from this and know that I love you, readers, too because God commissioned us all to love one other as if you love yourself. I love me because God loves me, therefore, I love you and the people in my life because God loves them too. It's good loving cycle; isn't it?!

Blessings - Jenelle.

Coffee in hand on an over-sized chair

I'm sitting in my living room in my house. I live with my sister and mother in the capital district of New York. I love where I live currently. I've moved twice in my entire life. I grew up in the helderbergs of Albany County NY. Most of my memories can bring me back to the ranch styled, blue house my parents built when I was just a baby. The country side always reminds me of my first home. Now today, I live in the country-side city. It's a diverse mix of blue-collared people and lad back country-city folks. I'm a walk away from a grocery store, department store and a Starbucks. It makes me very happy. Less gas in my car and more cash in my pocket. 

I was just thinking about where I have come today. I'm wondering where I will be even in 3 or 5 months. I really don't have a clue. I think the concept of "flying by the seat of your pants" really is great; for me right now. I love that saying. My wish is to get rid of the "planning" of my life and just enjoy what life I have now and stop worrying about my future. The future will come and I need to enjoy the present. My present involves getting a job this fall. That's going to be slightly complicated because I'm looking for a specific job. I keep telling my family and friends that I want to work at Starbucks. Hey - if I want to be bigger than them one day, I need to study them now - right?! Well, my plan for now and this summer is to complete my service learning trip that I have for 9 weeks and look for a job at one of Starbucks' coffee shops locations in my area. I'm hoping to work at a very close, local one within 15 minutes of my house, because I don't want to spend so much money on gas and I want to save as much as possible in my pocket. It's possible. Very possible, if I put my mind to it and practice it.

I'm currently reading a book by a financial advisor and great man, Dave Ramsey. The book is called, "The Total Money Makeover." Dave Ramsey speaks about debt and how debt is just ingrained in the American Dream in the United States. He speaks to his readers in such a way that it will get you to realize and speak out loud that you have a money problem and he can help you fix it. I'm convinced this book with change my life drastically and impact my life in such a positive way. I've already come to the conclusion that I have a money problem and I don't know how to spend my bucks wisely. That's the first step - it's the mind understanding the matter of spending and saving your hard earned money. It's quite good - the book is I mean. It's a reference guide for my future. I didn't buy it. One of the couples in my church gave it to me. It was an awesome graduation gift. Quite possibly the best one I could ever receive for me and my future.

After Graduation

It has been almost 2 weeks since I've graduated from Messiah College. I can't believe it's been 5 years since I graduated high-school. Furthermore, I can't believe my under-graduate career is over! It's very surreal and breath-taking at the same time. I've learned many things while obtaining my degrees at two different colleges and I have experienced a lot in my 5 years of under-graduate studies. I've gained many new friends that I plan on keeping in contact with forever. I have wonderful people that have touched my life in so many ways, just by meeting them in my early 20's. I've appreciated the time I have had thus far in my life. Christ has blessed me and I really feel that He has lead me to a new season in my life. Change is hard.

The biggest change I had was walking across the stage to accept my diploma. That was interesting. It was a monumental time in my life. It was the acceptance of change. As soon as I took the diploma out of my college President's hands, I was accepting a change in my life that would lead and direct my life into adulthood. It was scary, but I plan on embracing it. The embracing part means walking a path that has already been set for me; by God. At times I will want steer away from God's plan, but I have to stay the course and persist.

Today, I've decided that I am ready to make my dreams come true. I have always wanted to open my own coffee business one day. I want to be bigger than Starbucks. Some of you may say that could be impossible, but I choose to believe that God can make the impossible in man's world, possible by God in man's world. I choose to take the Jesus road and accept miracles and blessings in my life. I will choose to follow a Dad that has always provided for me. I know Christ will provide for me for the rest of my life. Christ promises He will, if you acknowledge Him in all your ways, He will direct your paths. That's an awesome scripture verse to know and memorise if you haven't already. Just sit back and read that in your Bible. The verse comes from Proverbs 3:6, "In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths." It's powerful when you chew on it.

I've recently ended an important relationship in my life. He was a guy that meant a lot to me too. We decided to part our separate ways because our love for each other was on different levels. We are still friends and I would count him as one of my closet. He has always been there for me and he told me he will always be there for me in the future. I know he will be, but it's going to take some time to heal from our hurts of letting each other go. I know that I was suppose to let him go, but I had a hard time doing it. I was in love, however. Some times you have to let go of the things you love the most to realize what's important to you, around you and for you.Including letting the other one realize that too. Needless to say, I'm doing fine.

I've gotten a new outlook on life right now. I hate saying it, but I'm single for the first time in 25 months. I'm young and full of passions and dreams for my life. Like I said earlier, I want to own a coffee shop someday. In my mind, I plan to start that business within the next 2 years. I know it sounds ambitious, but it is quite possible. Anything is possible with Christ.