Servanthood

I started my service work with my team this past Friday. Today was our busiest day so far. We are doing street ministry with a local church called, Victory Church. It's located in the heart of Albany, New York. It's a different world in Albany and I'm far from home todo! God is a blessing, because our second to last team member showed up today and he fits right in. Our last team member flies in tomorrow around midnight. I'm excited because I've already begun to see the unity between us all. Currently, I'm sprawled out on a little black pad-mattress with a few blankets on the floor. The group is staying in Sunday school rooms of the church. I can still see the mounds of glitter they have used in past Sunday school services on the floor. It's nuts!

I'm blessed. This team called, A-team is going to crack the group of Albany and make a new sound for the Lord in the city. I got to evangelize and talk with the inner-city people of Albany. I stood outside of a Walmart, asking for money for the inner-city hungry children of Albany. There is a need out there for people, but a greater need has been placed on God's people; we are to serve. I hope that people are encouraged to know, that God is our provider. Moreover, if you're not involved in a ministry and serving others, check our Victory church's website at: godinthecity.com

Endurance

This word endurance keeps coming to my mind. I've been training myself to start running/jogging this summer. I've been very interested in running or jogging. I've had a desire to do so the past 2 years and I have ignored that desire and put my health to the side. I've decided since I've graduated college, that it's important to listen to God and keep my human temple in good health for Christ. I've started to run on the treadmill in small measures. Today I had a breakthrough though. The Lord blessed me with the endurance to run. Today, I went to the Crossings where I can run and walk outside in this beautiful park. I had the strength and endurance to run/jog today. I lasted a long time and I still need to push harder. I've been building myself up to start running/jogging without stopping because stopping just makes me feel like a failure, but I know I can do it.

Tomorrow I leave for my service trip for 9 weeks this summer. I'm excited. I'm ready to go. I get to meet one of the girls that I am going with tomorrow night. I think I meet the rest of the group on Saturday. Our service trip group called, "A-team" gets to meet our home church this Sunday. I'm getting stoked with it all! I just hope I can keep up the endurance and strength from God to keep the race that I want to win.

Who will be there?

I have wondered if I climbed a mountain and I was struggling to get higher and higher, who would be there for me? Who would encourage me to keep going? Who would hold my hand and coach me on? Who will be there? -- I'm speaking about the people that are close to me. I know with confidence that my family would there, but what about my friends? It's been a few weeks since I've graduated from college and the friends I made while in college, I often question sometimes. It's weird. I leave the college for good and I feel so disconnected from everything and everyone I left behind. I stay in contact with them, but I feel very disconnected from them. Does the disconnection mean I'm gone forever without ever talking to them again? Who will be there when I move on in my life? Who will be there when I ask for advice or when I need to vent? I know most people will be there, but who will be there amongst my friends?
Some things have been said, some things have been done and some things have happened. It's awful knowing what is going on in your friends' lives from a far. The Internet doesn't help. Being connected via the Internet can sometimes divide and conquer and form a wedge between friendship. You get the worst and best ideas out of conversations and you can assume all you want. It's hard to judge what's going on when something happens. It's hard to listen, comprehend, be there for others, when may be they aren't. 
I'm struggling. I'm having issues. I don't know how to feel with people who may not be there for me. I'm having problems. I can't assume. I can't depend on people who change all the time and flip-flop in friendship. I can't keep talking with people who want their ideals and selfish attitude to prevail. What do I do?
It's hard being the oldest. I'm usually the oldest in all of my friendships. I have a few friends who are older. However, with age, you generally don't find maturity. That's what I struggle with; maturity. What makes you an adult? What makes friends stick closer than brothers? I believe selfishness has to be eliminated in order for people to be friends. You would think there would be  boundaries too. Not in my case. The people I become friends with have none. What is that? Do I have a sign on my head saying, "I'm a no boundaries type of person!" I don't want that anymore. I'm sick of people saying, "I don't know what to do with him or her." I'm sick of being sick. I'm sick of "friends" crossing boundaries that affect me. Don't people realize their actions can effect others? No, not at all. They can't! It's usually impossible in my life. 
Anyway, I've vented enough. It's only full of hope in God. That's who has always been a friend to me. My sister has been too. She's my closest, I guess. I guess blood isn't selfish. They know who you are for real. 
I wish boundaries weren't crossed. I wish friends would just be friends and be mindful of each other. I wish people can think of others before they act. I wish a lot of things, but they don't happen. I'm done with disappointment and I may have to let go. It's hard to let go when you invest so much. My investment isn't paying off, because I'm getting hurt. I'm done with being hurt. I will wait until I find friends who are all in for investing in a good friendship. I'm ready for God to provide me with that. Time will tell....